


Heists and High Heels

by caterinawrites



Series: Crackmas [8]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Criminal AU, F/F, but i'm in love, chlolila, i may continue this, some language sprinkled in here and there, suggestive stuff happens, this was supposed to be a crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 22:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11633028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caterinawrites/pseuds/caterinawrites
Summary: Queen Bee and Volpina are two of Paris' most wanted criminals, and when their antics lead the most wealthy to hide away their possessions, the two thieves prepare for their biggest haul yet.





	Heists and High Heels

The city of Paris was famous for many things lights, love, cuisine, but despite all of its charm, it still boasted a high crime rate. Though, very few criminals were quite as public and held a fraction of the notoriety as Queen Bee and Volpina, two of Paris’ most wanted criminals who were also huge rivals, constantly trying to one-up each other which kept the police force on their toes. No one knew how they managed to rob such high security establishments like the Louvre or the city’s most wealthy and highly protected citizens, and yet reports cropped up several times a month of expensive wares gone missing. And there was never any doubt when it came to identifying the culprit as they each had their trademark that got left behind.

For Queen Bee it was a single red rose left in the place of what she’d taken, and Volpina always left a card with her signature and a pawprint. Such displays of power served to mock the wealthy, and the police were at their wits end. Neither criminal ever left any DNA or evidence at the scene of the crime aside from their farewell tokens, and the wealthiest members of society were locking up their most prized possessions in bank vaults for safe keeping. Paranoia ran rampant in anticipation for each heist as no one knew who the next victim would be.

Seeing the city in a panic served to amuse the infamous criminals as they lured them right where they wanted. They were about to pull their biggest heist yet, and everyone would bear witness to their own failure. That is to say, Queen Bee and Volpina were feeling a bit cocky. They’d never robbed the same location at the same time, but it seemed as though they both had the same idea. In actuality, there was no coordination among thieves, so the chances of ending up in the same place at the same time were quite probable, but they always counted on their own luck. Maybe a little too much at times.

Security outside the bank was tight, but Queen Bee loved a challenge. She wasn’t one of the most wanted criminals for nothing, so slipping inside undetected came as naturally as breathing. The shadows had become an extension of herself, masking her presence from any watchful eyes. She was comfortable there, quiet, hidden, and it allowed her to move about freely unlike her everyday life where she spent so much time out in the open. It was a detail she held very near and dear being one of the most looked at faces in all of Paris by day then being the illusive and mysterious heist queen by night. Darkness was her sanctuary, a place to be alone and invisible, so needless to say, she was appropriately perplexed and irritated when she collided with someone else during her peak of stealth.

She and Volpina had only encountered each other in person a handful of times, usually on their way out of their respective jobs where they would brag about their haul, and Queen Bee never hated her guts more than in that moment when their eyes met in the darkness.

“What the hell are _you_ doing here?” They asked in hushed unison. “I’m robbing the bank. No, _I’m_ robbing the bank! Ugh!”

“How exactly were you planning to get into that safe, huh? All the news reports say it’s uncrackable,” Volpina asked, cocking a hip to the side.

“My daddy owns the company that manufactured it,” Queen Bee stated curtly. “How were _you_ planning to get in?”

“My daddy’s company manufactures explosives,” She bragged, rocking back on her heels, and Queen Bee scoffed.

“You have no class. Leave this to a sophisticated thief. Why don’t you go rob the people’s bank?” She waved her away in a typical gesture of “shoo.”

“I’m every bit as good as you! There’s a warrant out for both of us in case you’d forgotten,” Volpina said with a growl as they continued up the hall.

“Yeah, yeah, but there’s no need for both of us to rob the bank, so you can run along,” She said dismissively.

“Why don’t _you_ run along?” Volpina shot back.

“Because I was here first,” Bee said matter-of-factly, ripping a keypad off the wall and rewiring the inside to disable the security system in the next room.

“What makes you think that? I think we got here about the same time,” Volpina folded her arms over her chest defiantly, and Bee rolled her eyes.

“We have sixty seconds to make it through the next room, so we settle this now. Rock, paper, scissors?” Bee cocked a brow and held up her fist.

Rock, paper, scissors – shoot!” Queen Bee’s rock trumped Volpina’s scissors, and she turned abruptly and blew a kiss.

“Toodles!”

“Hey! What are you two doing?” The glare of a flashlight blinded Queen Bee momentarily, and she held up a hand to shield her face.

“Shit!” She swore under her breath, turning tail and running in the opposite direction after Volpina.

“Don’t follow me!” She hissed as Queen Bee stayed hot on her heels.

“If I get caught, you’re going down with me,” Bee shot back as Volpina glanced around for somewhere to hide. She pulled open a janitorial closet and threw Queen Bee inside, managing to shut the door silently before a patrol of guards raced through. Instinctively, they both remained quiet, pressed together in the small closet as they listened through the door.

Queen Bee squirmed her arm up to see her watch where she pulled up a map of the building. She could see Volpina’s mask furrow over her green eyes through the dim glow it gave off. They were pressed close enough together that each breath made their torsos brush ever so slightly with the rise and fall of their chests. Queen Bee tried not to think about how well her body fit into every curve of Volpina’s because they were rivals, and now wasn’t the time to be aroused.

“It looks like there’s an air vent up the hall that will lead you outside,” Queen Bee whispered, zooming in on it.

“Um, excuse you, I’m still going to rob this bank,” Volpina scoffed, folding her arms awkwardly over her chest as much as their close quarters allowed.

“Well, so am I, and I’m not sharing the loot with you,” Queen Bee said, giving her an icy glare, though Volpina wasn’t fazed in the slightest.

“We’ll have to see who gets to it first,” She challenged, opening the door and racing up the hall for the vent, and Queen Bee raced after her with a low growl.

Volpina activated the suction feature on her suit and jumped up to the ceiling, sticking to it securely before she got to work on undoing the vent cover. Queen Bee kept lookout on the ground until she got it off then used her grappling belt to lift herself in after her. They replaced the vent cover perfectly just as the guards made another round, though the problem they found themselves faced with now involved Queen Bee on top of Volpina in a tiny vent.

“Seriously, you couldn’t have gone on the other side?” Volpina hissed once the coast was clear, swatting Bee’s feet out of her face.

“No, the safe is this way!” Bee shot back, crawling forward. “And I’m gonna get to it first.”

“Over my dead body,” Volpina grumbled, shifting around and crawling after her. She caught up as Bee tried to round a corner and climbed on top of her to pin her down.

“Hey, get off!”

“Shh!” Volpina shushed, attempting to take the lead, but her belt caught on something, and she very quickly discovered that she was stuck. “Shit.”

“What?” Bee lifted her head a little in an attempt to see over her shoulder.

“I’m caught on your belt,” She said, a hint agitated.

“Well, whose fault is that for being greedy?” Bee chided, resting her chin in her palm.

“Says the person whose been trying to shake me off so they can take all the loot for themselves,” Volpina said pointedly in her ear. “I’m gonna try and shake myself loose. Don’t move.”

“Where am I gonna go?” Bee hummed sarcastically as Volpina began wiggling her hips to try and unhitch their belts. Queen Bee felt her face heat up a little as their hips grinded together as Volpina thrusted back and forth. “Okay, stop! That’s not working, clearly!”

“Ugh, this isn’t gonna work, we’re just gonna have to try and move together,” Volpina sighed, sinking her hips back down to press against Bee’s ass. Why was it so hot in that vent? “Okay, we’re both gonna move forward on three.”

“On three or after three?”

“After. Always after.” Volpina said.

“Well, then why do people say on three?”

“It’s just an expression! Okay, whatever! One,” She started.

“Two.”

“Three!” They lurched forward, moving in time together until they came to the next vent, and Bee peaked down.

“How far to the safe?” Volpina asked, panting slightly, and Bee pulled her arms out to look at her watch again.

“We’ll take the next left then it’s five vents to the safe room,” She said.

“Well, let’s get moving then. We’re burning moonlight,” She ordered, propping herself up once more.

“Oh, I’m sorry, maybe next time you can be on bottom,” Bee grumbled.

“No can do. I’m always on top.” Bee’s cheeks flushed once more, and she told herself it was just the heat of having another body on top of hers, though she did rather like the way Volpina felt against her.

After a painful and exhausting hour, they managed to remove the vent over the safe room, and Bee disabled the alarm system from her watch before they dropped in less than gracefully. At least they were unhooked now. Volpina stood up and dusted herself off, stretching her back and neck a little before moving for the safe, though Queen Bee was right behind her.

“I seem to recall winning rock, paper, scissors,” She said pointedly, and Volpina rolled her eyes.

“Don’t make me strap a mini explosive to you,” She threatened, but Bee didn’t budge.

“I know how to get into this safe without blowing it up,” Bee stated, folding her arms over her chest with a smirk. “If you promise to give me most of the haul, I’ll open it for you.”

Volpina’s eyes narrowed, and her jaw clenched for a moment as she debated it.

“Fine. You can take the bigger haul. Open it,” She jutted her chin to the large combination lock, and Bee slipped on her gloves to avoid leaving finger prints. After a few twists and turns, she pulled out a small ballistic gel glob and held it over the thumb scanner, and the safe clicked open.

“How did you-”

“I was there when they programmed the code for the lock, and I swiped one of the mayor’s thumbprints at a diplomats’ dinner party,” She said, pulling the door open. “Let’s grab some shit and get out.”

She didn’t have to tell Volpina twice, and within five minutes, they’d gathered a hefty supply of precious jewelry, gold, and cold hard cash. Leaving their signature tokens and closing the vault, Queen Bee scanned for exits, determining that the vents were their best bet, though she’d make sure they didn’t get stuck this time. She pressed the release on her belt buckle and secured it to the top of the vent before turning back to Volpina.

“Need a lift?” She cocked a brow, and Volpina begrudgingly wrapped her arms around Bee’s shoulders as they rose back up to the vents.

Crawling back through individually was a piece of cake after the mess they had to endure the first time, so within a matter of minutes, they were back on the roof and ready to part ways. Volpina slung her sack of bounty over her shoulder and held out a hand with a small grin.

“Thanks for your help, Bee,” She said sincerely, and after a moment of hesitation, Bee shook it in good faith.

Volpina tugged her forward into a passionate kiss, and Queen Bee felt her whole body stiffen in shock. She thought she’d been the only one to imagine their chemistry in those tight spaces earlier, but Volpina’s lips were just as soft as she’d imagined. Her mind whirled wildly with risqué thoughts and a longing to take her right then and there on that roof, and she was getting dizzy with the sudden influx of desire. Or wait… Maybe she was just actually dizzy.

When Volpina broke the kiss, she stepped back with a smirk as numbness spread down Bee’s legs, and she collapsed to the ground. Everything was spinning, and Volpina casually slung both sacks over her shoulder with a chuckle.

“The lipstick’s a tranquilizer. Don’t worry, it’s meant for little mice, so you’ll be able to move again in a few minutes, but I’ll be long gone by then,” She said, and Queen Bee attempted to glare menacingly, but her face refused to cooperate. “Thanks again for your help. I never would have been able to carry this much through those vents myself. What was it you said earlier? Oh, yeah. Toodles!”

And with that she race for the edge of the roof and jumped, leaving Queen Bee lying on a roof with absolutely nothing to show for her efforts that evening. Volpina better watch her back because next time she saw her, she was going to rip every last strand of that luscious brown hair from her scalp. Finally, the numbness faded enough that she could flop over, and shout after her.

“You damn fox!”

**Author's Note:**

> SO, this one was a bit more serious than I intended, but I’m kind of in love with this AU now? I’ve been struggling for some time to think of a fic idea for my babs with this ship, and I came across this one after I googled crack fic ideas where basically, two people are trying to rob the same place at the same time and end up getting chased by the guard and they have to hide in a closet until he leaves, but then I just got the idea for all of this, and I’m in love.  
> But, I couldn’t make it too serious, so you go some crack-y moments. If it’s not crack enough for you, then don’t worry tomorrow’s crack will be ridiculous enough that you will get your fill for today as well. Trust me.


End file.
